A Survivor
by nightblight
Summary: This is intended to be a SHORT story. It's GSR. Post Living Doll, and different from most of the stuff I write. Feel free to review, I am a slave to them.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters here belong to me. They are the sole property of CBS (but that doesn't mean I can't take them out to play occasionally, right?)

As per usual with my works, this is not beta'd. Forgive me, and you can send me all the hate mail you want.

This is something that popped into my head. I know there have been reams of stories that are post living doll, and fill in the blanks type. This is in some ways like those, but hopefully different, too. It is intended to be only 5 chapters long at the most and has GSR content…

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**Chapter 1: What the hell?**

I'm pretty sure my chin hit the floor when he said it.

Aside from the shock and surprise that accompanied his slip, I immediately found myself wondering how the hell it was that I wasn't privy to this little gem of information. I am, after all, exceptional at what I do for a living. And I'm not being egotistical. It's just a fact. So how could two of my coworkers, two people I consider friends and in some way family, be carrying on a relationship right under my nose?

And who the hell else knows about it?

Greg?

Nah…

I mean, not based on his investigative skills, anyway. He's good, don't get me wrong, but he's still a rookie. If Sara told him then I suppose it's a possibility, but if I couldn't figure it out, he sure as hell couldn't figure it out.

Could he…?

Mind you he's had a crush on her for years, so he might have caught on by the simple change in her normal routine, perhaps years of Sara study might have tipped him off, but the look on his face when Gil told us… Nope… he didn't know.

Warrick…?

Hmm….

Well he's an exceptional investigator. He's quiet, intelligent, and observant– that's a deadly combination if you are a criminal. People do say that you hear more when you aren't talking. This kind of describes Warrick since he is the king of miniscule conversation. Mind you, Sara's a lot like a sister to him, but even the closest family has secrets. Besides he's had his hands full lately with that wife of his. I wouldn't have expected it to last as long as it has, actually, but I know the slippery slope of a relationship when I see one – hell I've been there my self many times – and from my previous experience… they're almost midway down and picking up speed.

Nope. Warrick didn't know… he's been way too distracted. Aside from which, he looked just as shocked as me.

Nicky…?

I suppose it's a possibility. They're pretty close.

Nick's a good solid investigator, though his emotions some times get in the way. I suppose it's possible that Sara could have confided in him, I think of all the people in the lab he might be the one she'd talk to. Not that I can imagine Nick and Sara sitting together discussing, Gris and her in the sack or anything, but if she needed advice or something I think he would be the one Sara would go to. As for figuring it out on his own… Nah… I have the one thing he doesn't, a good solid woman's intuition, and believe me, if they managed to fly under my radar for any length of time, then they're good, and there's no way Nicky caught on. Besides he looked like Grissom had just lobbed a big fat pink elephant into the room when he admitted to being in love with Sara.

Gil Grissom in love?

That's still a shocker.

I mean, he's human, and I expect that on some level I would be deluding myself to think that he lives his life in a total vacuum. He's a man for Christ's sake and men have needs… All men… even bug obsessed uber geeks, but Jesus…Let's just say that he and Sara…well talk about being blindsided.

For a while now I suspected that he might have found someone – to sleep with - or hang out with, but love? Wow… now ain't that the kicker. Not to say that I think he's unfeeling or anything. I've seen him on cases with kids, and I've seen his gentle hand with people who are down trodden or different, so I know he is affected more than he lets on but there are still no words to describe the feeling when those words tumbled out of his mouth. I swear for a moment there my mind went blank… And that's NOT easy to do to me.

With the sun searing it's way through the surface of our skin I stand beside him on a clump of parched and unforgiving Nevada desert, and feel the need to take him in my arms and comfort him. He's wearing a hopelessly broken look on his face his eyes scouring the desert for the one person he has dared to love in all the time I've known him. At this very moment, nothing else matters. None of the why's, what's, or when's, are even remotely important. What I want is for us to find her; for me to be able to see my friend take the woman he loves into his arms and know that everything is going to be all right.

The words fall from my tongue before I can stop them. "She's a survivor."

He stares his blue eyes desperate, his voice lost. "Where is she, Catherine?"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: None of the characters here belong to me. They are the sole property of CBS (but that doesn't mean I can't take them out to play occasionally, right?)

As per usual with my works, this is not beta'd. Forgive me, and you can send me all the hate mail you want.

This is something that popped into my head. I know there have been reams of stories that are post living doll, and fill in the blanks type. This is in some ways like those, but hopefully different, too. It is intended to be only 5 chapters long at the most and has GSR content…

AN/ What? No reviews? I'm eternally HURT… GRIN!

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**Chapter 2: I can't watch**

Well hell, if that doesn't beat all? Sara and Gris...

Don't get me wrong, it's not a surprise that the feelings were there. Hell, I've known how they felt about each other for years. Grissom, even during the times he was actively trying to ignore Sara, couldn't keep his eyes off of her when she wasn't looking. I may look more like a jock than an ingenious geek, but I'm good at what I do, and I pay attention. I don't know how many times I wanted to pull him aside and say, _Go for it man, it's obvious she feels the same for you. _

And it was. Obvious, that is. I mean not that she trailed around after him like a lost puppy, but you know that look a woman gets in her eyes when she's taken with someone. As the baby boy in house with 5 sisters, I learned early on what that look meant.

I think they had a history. I know Gris said she was a friend when she came to help out with the Holly Gribbs death. Mind you, a friend is a far cry from girlfriend, lover, or partner, but I personally think when he brought her here in the beginning and asked her to stay, he might have wanted to have a relationship with her, but typically Grissom, he didn't know how.

There's a great big age gap there too, maybe that made him a little insecure. I know Sara's not like that. Age to her really isn't an issue. I know from our many conversations that she's not all caught up in those kind of things. She's always told me that it's not about the looks or money, but rather the intelligence and attitude. But I can see how he might have been nervous. And not that I've pondered Grissom's love life or sexual history to any great length, but I have to say, I don't think he's all that experienced when it comes to woman. Hell the guy has practically lived at the lab, all the time I've known him, and if he went home after a double it was only to sleep or play with his bugs. I mean there were rumors about the dominatrix, and that anthropologist, but I don't believe them. Even if something happened...let's just say it couldn't have been much, maybe a quickie, or a one night stand, but not a lasting relationship.

I'm not sure what happened, but I think she may have asked him out one time. I know it sound presumptuous, but she was okay one day, and then really sad the next. Something happened. Maybe she saw him with another woman and misunderstood or something, but for a while there, she was really withdrawn and sad... so I tried to help her get through it by taking her out now and then for a beer, maybe a movie. Between Warrick and me, we managed to get her through it, without her knowing what we were up to. Then she seemed to kick it after that big fight with Catherine. You know, like she woke up one day and realized that she was wasting her time and needed to get on with her life. Or maybe that's when it all started between them. I dunno.

I suppose I should be pissed off. I mean, clearly if he loves her, they've been together a while. And keeping something like that from your family and friends ain't cool by any standards. Especially, when these are people who love and care about you, and who spend the better part of the week working side by side with you, but in a way I do get it.

The lab can be a pretty volatile place for gossip, and not to say that any of us would have shared their secret, but things do get out, and there would have been a lot of questions, and maybe a few accusations.

I personally know that Sara would never try to advance her career by sleeping with the bossman, if she's with him it's because she cares about him, but I suppose there are others who might. None of us, I mean the team, but maybe some people from days, Ecklie for sure, so I do get it.

Aside from which, I'm just happy for them. Really. They've both been alone far too long. That's why it's so hard to look at him now. The hurt and fear in his eyes. Normally, he's a rock. The crew told me that when I was missing, he never gave up. While everyone was falling apart, he remained focused and sure that they were going to find me. And they did.

I never told anyone this, but after than night, I had nightmares for the longest time. I guess Gris caught on. Not that he knew about the dreams, but he understood the fear. For months after that, he would take me out to breakfast once a week and we would talk it through. I guess he just realized I needed someone to listen without judgment.

I want to be able to return the favor now.

The sand feels hot between my fingers and I'm praying that someone gets us a shovel quickly, because as afraid as I am of finding Sara buried under this rubble, I'm equally as desperate to prove that she's not here, under the car.

She can't be.

"We'll find her, Gris." The words sound lame even to my own ears. "She's a survivor."

He draws his dry dusty hand across his eyes, wiping away the tears I know are forming there, and I look away.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Chapter 1

Thank you all for reading and a special thank so those of you that reviewed. I love you dearly.

Another trek into my weirdness.

Not beta'd, barely even reread (it's late give me a break)

**Chapter 3: Ruminations in solitude**

Man…

I'm findin' it hard to even get what's happened here. I feel like I'm runnin' to catch up way long after the race has hit the half way mark.

Gris and Sara?

Holy shit.

I can't believe he had the guts to go for it after all these years. I'm an investigator, so I knew something was up for a while, but I had no idea it was Sara. In fact, I'd been hoping that he'd keep it on the low down because of her.

Don't get me wrong, I want the man to be happy.

Hell, we all deserve a little piece of that.

But Sara's been through a lot.

I know she'd the hots for him for years, and that met with blunt force trauma ala Grissom. He's a good friend, and a great guy and all, but he sure as hell put her through the wringer. Not that I think he did it on purpose. It was more like he knew how she felt, and I think he felt the same way, but he didn't have a clue what to do with her.

That I get.

I mean, she's a handful. Really smart, funny, cute as hell, and waaay younger - that can scare the shit out of any guy, cuz girls like her play for keeps with your heart, so I can identify with the fear he musta been feelin'.

Hell, girls like her even scare the shit out of me, and I'm sure I've got a lot more experience with women than Gris does.

Sara once confided in me after she was a few too many beers in, that she'd come here for him. That kind of commitment can make a man turn tail and run. She gave me no other details, but that admission alone was big, cuz Sara's normally a very private person. I am too, that's why I never mentioned it to her again after that night. I respected her confidence, because I knew she would do the same for me. Besides neither of us was feeling any pain that evening, so I doubt she even remembered what went down.

That was in the middle of some dark days. I think she was finally coming to terms with the fact that even though the feelings were there, Gris was never going to act on them. Nick and I we tried to distract her, maybe take away some of the hurt. Hell, the cowboy even tried setting her up with a few of his crazy friends. Then all of a sudden she seemed to pull out of it, and blossom.

That's why, when I smelled evidence of a girlfriend radiating off the bossman, I was praying that that little tidbit of info would just slip by her, because even I'm not stupid enough to believe that that wouldn't hurt. After all there's a huge difference between moving on, and giving up all hope.

Ha! Clearly getting stuff by her shouldn't have been a concern; it's the slipping stuff by me and the rest of the team that should have been my worry.

How could we all have missed something this big? And believe me I have no doubt that no one else knew. The looks on the faces of everyone else in the room told me that we were all ridin' on the same sinkin' ship.

Bottom line I'm glad they found each other. I'll have to remember to tell him to treat her well, too, cuz if he hurts her again, he'll be in line for an Gramma sized ass woopin' from your's truly.

That's if…

No… that's when…

Fuck, there's a throbbing in my hand and I can feel the crunch of a few fractured bones from where my bare knuckles rebounded from their violent contact with the locker door. I wipe the blood on my pants.

She has to be okay.

For Gris's sake, and the rest of us.

We're gonna find her.

She'll be fine.

Pissed off at us even, for leaving her stranded out in the desert for so long.

I can hear her now.

"What the hell took you guys so long?" And she'll smile that gap toothed grin of hers.

Yeah that's how it's gonna be.

We'll find her.

She's gonna be good.

I know she will; she's a survivor.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Chapter 1

More weirdness. Thanks to those who've read and reviewed. Not beta'd

**Chapter 4: Not thinking about it**

Man… I have been ripped off in the worst way. How the hell did I draw the helicopter ride?

Not cool.

Me and loop-dee-loops are not copasetic by any stretch of the imagination. And I'm pretty sure this pilot got his license out of a Cracker Jack box.

I blame my parents. They never let me go on rides as a kid or a teenager, so I never built up a tolerance to the sensation of being up in the air. Talk about sheltered; my whole goddamn life was like living in a plastic bubble…

Seriously. It's their fault.

Maybe someone should have put Sara in a plastic bubble. Then we wouldn't have to be out here.

Wait...

I wasn't going to think about that until I absolutely had to...

As I was saying, I would much rather be racing around in the Denalis than up here bouncing through the air.

See, I'm of the belief that people absolutely weren't mean to fly. And not just because my mother used to say so, even though she did. But ergonomically – and physically we simply weren't built to soar above the ground.

I do fly though - when I_ have to_ - but I keep the _HAVE TO_ situations to a bare minimum. And when I fly it's in a BIG PLANE, not a little scrap of metal that makes the g-force on most rollercoasters pale in comparison.

Rollercoasters… I wonder if Gris and Sara go on them together…when they go out on a date?

Damn, not thinking about that… right… okay…

Bottom line: If I can drive there, I do. And you can forget those 18 hour flights abroad… I'm happy just to stay in the good old US of A. That's why, when Grissom said helicopter ride, I almost shit myself. But I also knew, that now wasn't the time to share my fear of flying with him, so I kept my mouth shut.

Good thing I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

Being up here does give you perspective though. That is - when I can open my eyes without getting nauseous. It's amazing how huge the Nevada desert is. It's just a carpet of white clumpy sand, with one patch being indistinguishable from the next. I have no idea how we're going to find her.

Not thinking about that…

Yeah right – like that's working!

God… How are we going to find her? I know the tow truck driver gave us directions but out here it's easy to lose your bearings. One cactus looks the same as the other, just as each outcropping can be mistaken for the last. What if he gave us the wrong location? What if he didn't know what he was talking about…?

What if, WHAT IF, WHAT FUCKING IF!

This all seems so hopeless.

I don't know what I'm going to do if we don't find her or if we find her and she's….

Not going there.

Gris is a mess. Not that he's showing it. But I can see it in his eyes. Every once in a while I'll steal a look at him when he thinks no one is watching, and he seems so lost. I can even begin to know how he feels. The fear of losing someone you love must be overwhelming. I wouldn't know. I don't think I've ever been in love.

He said he loves her. Wow… I mean, yeah, just _wow_. I can't believe he said that - in front of all of us.

It hurts a little. It's not like I didn't know that I never had a chance with her, but a guy can dream can't he? Besides, that's not really where the hurt is coming from. Mostly I just wonder why she didn't tell me. She's my best friend, and mentor and I just think something this big she should have shared with me. Not that she shared it with anyone else either…

God, if I could have just five minutes with that crazy Natalie bitch, I'd make her talk. Screw protocol and policy.

"Hey buddy… they found the car." I can barely hear my own voice above the noise of the propellers. "Set in down gently."

I can feel the adrenaline racing through my veins as we dip and then drop onto the parched desert floor.

We're going to find her… alive…

Sara won't give up without a fight.

She's a survivor.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Chapter 1

More weirdness. Thanks to those who've read and reviewed.

Rating has gone up because of language. Sorry.

Not beta'd.

**Chapter 5: Don't give me that shit**

I've spent the better part of the last ten hours trying to figure out a way of making the bitch talk. I'm preoccupied beyond belief and it's things like these that get a man killed on the job.

Bleach… yeah I want to take her out into the desert find a water silo somewhere, tie her the fuck to it, and let it drip slowly on her until she gives up the location of Sara and the car.

Grissom says it won't work, she's practically catatonic. I say give it a fucking try, she deserves it. At least I'll get some satisfaction from seeing her squirm.

Don't give me any of that bleeding heart shit either. I've been doing this job way too long to buy any of it. I know not every parent out there is good, in fact there's a whole fuck load of 'em who should never have been allowed to procreate, because they've made life a horror story for their children. Really, if God had been thinking right at the time they would have been born sterile, and there's not one cop, or criminalist out there who wouldn't agree. And before you think I'm being judgmental, I know I wasn't the best parent and yeah my kid has gotten herself into some trouble at times but you don't see her taking out a gun and blowing the shit out of some bar in LA… Do you? Or for that matter taking someone from the people who love and care for her and sticking her under a car in the desert. So fuck that. If you ask me all psychiatrists should turn in their licenses because I'll damned if they're doing even one iota of good with the people they have under their care – clearly the patients are running the asylum if this little beauty managed to slip under their radar unnoticed.

What I do know is that all this whiny assed shit that people use to explain the horrible things they do to each other, just doesn't float.

If each and every child who was abused, felt unloved, or was ostracized by the people around - them became a killer, or mass murderer - we wouldn't have even a quarter of the population problem we do now. In fact, the world would be considerably less crowded.

The proof is in the pudding my friend. Just look at Sara.

Jesus fuck… I wish I could.

She had a shitty childhood, and grew up to be one of the smartest, kindest women I have ever met.

A woman who is in love with my best friend, a woman who deserves this happiness and I'll be damned if I'll allow that psycho bitch to take it away from her.

I wonder if there's any bleach in the storage cupboard. The janitor should have some; maybe I'll have him paged.

There's a market just around the corner too.

Gil's a mess, but he seems to be hiding it well from everyone except for me. I was there when he lost it with that Natalie chick. There were tears in his eyes when he left that room.

If it were me, I would already be a full bottle of single malt in.

The team is determined to find Sara and I'm hoping to shit that they can pull this rabbit out of the hat, because it's pissing cats and dogs outside and there are flash flood warnings for the surrounding areas.

I hate to think of her alone out in the desert; cold, wet, and afraid.

Somebody get me some fucking bleach and that crazy bitch.

"What are you doing?"

Grissom looks at me, eyes wide. "If this is model is exact – which up to this point they've all been. Then I need to see what happens when the rain starts to come down."

Aw… fuck. Why does he do shit like this to himself? "Uh… do you really want to know that? I mean. Anything could happen. This is just a model. The rain may miss her altogether."

He shakes his head. "I just need to know."

He pours the water, and as much as I don't want to watch I can't stop myself. The small animated hand stops moving and curls up. Well that answers that question now doesn't it.

God damn it!

I can't help it. I pat him on the shoulder in response to the broken look on his face. "Sara's a survivor." I tell him. Moments later I'm gone, out in the hallway looking get myself some fucking bleach.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: In chapter 1.

More of the same.

Enjoy

Review.

**Chapter 6: Driven to distraction**

I can barely think. Every time I try to formulate a plan of action I am totally derailed by an image or sensation.

"Tell me where Sara is…" 

I never lose my temper, but if I could have, I would have beaten the information out of the woman.

I know it would have done no good. The scientist in me is well aware of her state of mind. I know that she is sick, unable to process what she has done, and at the moment catatonic, but regardless of this fact, I wish I could sink my fists into her flesh until she tells me what she has done to the woman I am in love with.

Then it hits me: a moment of blind emotion that practically knocks me off my feet as I envision Sara, beautiful and glowing. Her flesh glistening with a light sheen of perspiration after the first time we ever made love. It's crippling and brings tears to my eyes.

"She's a survivor." Jim tells me.

He's known about us for some time. I had no idea that he liked to hike. I mean – Greg was right that time in the hospital – he's always in a suit, so imagine my surprise when he walks up to us sporting a whole wardrobe's worth of Tilley Endurables, and a backpack slung over one shoulder.

We'd been laying on an outcropping; the sun in our eyes, our bodies on fire - a state brought on by more than just the one hundred and four degree weather. Her slim fingers were clasped in my mine, and she was giggling.

Our secret was safe he said, so we shared our lunch with him, vegetable focaccia, with non alcoholic sparkling grape juice. Sara's favorite.

He couldn't watch when I poured water on the miniature. Each drop was like a blow to my heart and my hand was shaking, but I had to see for myself.

I kept picturing her face as she rose from the salt water: her slim body being pounded by white and frothing waves. It was a quick trip to LA. For me it was the tail-end of a conference, and for her a three day weekend which was the result of too much overtime for the month, and a carefully manipulated schedule.

Her damp curls clung to the freckled skin of her face as she toweled off and dropped onto the blanket beside me. A moment later we are both covered in sand as she tackles me and pins me to the dunes with her slim and supple body.

"We've got a lead…" Greg tells me. The sheet in my hand looks like gobbledy-gook to my chaotic mind.

Nick takes it from my hand. "The tow truck driver. He gave us an approximate location."

He runs off to gather the team while I cling to the sensation of her mouth on mine, the heat of her body curled into me as we nuzzle and tease each other in a delicate dance called foreplay.

"A helicopter?"

The former lab rat looks almost panicked and for a moment I rethink my choice, but in that split second he musters some enthusiasm – though it seems fake, so I am relieved at the fact that I don't need to deal with it.

"I'll get on it boss." He runs off.

"The Denali's are outside and everyone is ready to go." 

Nick's back and in my face. He grabs me and leads me out of my office.

Driving wastes time and I need to be behind he wheel. It gives me a modicum of control, where all of mine has been stolen. The sun is high in the sky it's rays seeping through the windows warming the cold air blasting from the air conditioner. And my mind slips back to a balmy morning in the front seat of a Denali. Tension riding high, my back pressed against the seat and hers against the steering wheel. She tasted salty and oh so very sweet.

Dear God we have to find her, ALIVE. My leg is cramping as I slam on the brakes and we skid through the sand. Up ahead I can see the undercarriage of a car. I'm on the ground my legs pumping as I run wildly for it, Nick on my heels.

There's been a cave in and where the roof of the cars should be there is sand.

I dig, my fingers clawing frantically at the ground, my breath coming in gasps, as Nick moves along side me.

"Someone get me a shovel." I call back to Catherine.

We work, till we are ready to drop and then when we are sure she's not there the car is carefully removed by a tow truck after it's been righted.

No Sara. No bright smile. No sigh of contentment and no cry of pain. "She's a survivor…" Catherine informs me.

"Where is she, Catherine?" The words break through my chest as I choke back a sob. The vision of her in bed with me, her breath on my lips as she kisses me and tells me she loves me.

She is a survivor. I assure myself, and I take the binoculars someone has passed to me, my heart in my throat.


End file.
